So today, for what I think is the first time, my husband is away training for a few nights and I am on. my. own.
Now I have kept my beautiful son alive for 9 months so you'd think I'd be dab-hand at the idea of hubby leaving me to it. After all, he went off to work every day while I was on maternity leave and besides a few very minor questionable decisions, child has been broadly-speaking very well taken care of. So why do I feel nervous today?
It would seem going back to work, with all the stresses of a real timetable and the prayers/voodoo rituals/wishful thinking I'm currently reciting to encourage our darling boy to remain asleep and in his crib all night have got me panicking about the few short days ahead.
Deep down I know everything will be absolutely fine. I have a fantastically supportive network of family and friends around me, many of whom I know would drop everything in an instant if I really needed their help, and yet.. the idea that impending doom is about to occur is settling in.
(Big shout out right now to all single parents out there... I am bricking it at the idea of 2 days alone - you guys are heroes! How you bathe baffles me - I am fully prepared to rely on dry shampoo and air freshener if necessary!)
My mum was a single mum for a long time and has worked her butt off my whole life to make sure none of us had to worry about food, clothing and the odd treat. She is my inspiration in life in so many ways and I know I don't tell her enough. She reminded me the other day, when I was complaining about my life, of something she has often told me. "Do something that makes you happy. I know you'll be successful in anything you do so focus on doing something that you want to do." I love her for that unbreaking trust in me to make the right decisions for my life. I trust her absolutely to do the same and hope I can provide the same support for her now I am grown as she has done for me my whole life.
It reminded me that I decided I wanted to enter teaching when I was about 12 - I know; most kids at 12 want to be Spiderman or an Astronaut or something but I wanted to help people and figured I would be good at teaching. Deep down, that 12 year old is still in there. Unfortunately, in recent years, that naive, wide-eyed lover of learning has been buried beneath bureaucracy, paperwork and data. Data - eurgh - I mean... I know you have to measure achievement at some point, some how. But much of my subject goes on feeling, on talent, on the moment, not on the numbers. But maybe more on that another time. For now, I pledge to let that 12 year old find a path to the surface. By looking after myself so I can look after others, help others and find that love and drive to succeed once again.
If you need me, I'll be daydreaming.
Now I have kept my beautiful son alive for 9 months so you'd think I'd be dab-hand at the idea of hubby leaving me to it. After all, he went off to work every day while I was on maternity leave and besides a few very minor questionable decisions, child has been broadly-speaking very well taken care of. So why do I feel nervous today?
It would seem going back to work, with all the stresses of a real timetable and the prayers/voodoo rituals/wishful thinking I'm currently reciting to encourage our darling boy to remain asleep and in his crib all night have got me panicking about the few short days ahead.
Deep down I know everything will be absolutely fine. I have a fantastically supportive network of family and friends around me, many of whom I know would drop everything in an instant if I really needed their help, and yet.. the idea that impending doom is about to occur is settling in.
(Big shout out right now to all single parents out there... I am bricking it at the idea of 2 days alone - you guys are heroes! How you bathe baffles me - I am fully prepared to rely on dry shampoo and air freshener if necessary!)
My mum was a single mum for a long time and has worked her butt off my whole life to make sure none of us had to worry about food, clothing and the odd treat. She is my inspiration in life in so many ways and I know I don't tell her enough. She reminded me the other day, when I was complaining about my life, of something she has often told me. "Do something that makes you happy. I know you'll be successful in anything you do so focus on doing something that you want to do." I love her for that unbreaking trust in me to make the right decisions for my life. I trust her absolutely to do the same and hope I can provide the same support for her now I am grown as she has done for me my whole life.
It reminded me that I decided I wanted to enter teaching when I was about 12 - I know; most kids at 12 want to be Spiderman or an Astronaut or something but I wanted to help people and figured I would be good at teaching. Deep down, that 12 year old is still in there. Unfortunately, in recent years, that naive, wide-eyed lover of learning has been buried beneath bureaucracy, paperwork and data. Data - eurgh - I mean... I know you have to measure achievement at some point, some how. But much of my subject goes on feeling, on talent, on the moment, not on the numbers. But maybe more on that another time. For now, I pledge to let that 12 year old find a path to the surface. By looking after myself so I can look after others, help others and find that love and drive to succeed once again.
If you need me, I'll be daydreaming.
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